so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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