hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
