Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
