what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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