Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Randomize