Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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