i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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