I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So vagazzling was a success
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