So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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