Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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