thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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