Betty ford says i'm here all night
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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