Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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