And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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