im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i dont even know how to be here
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
