Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
