I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
