Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
