I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
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Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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