you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
