I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
