Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
