On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
