my soul wont recognize me after tonight
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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