when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
