Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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