Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
