We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
