it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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