someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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