Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
