It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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