how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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