Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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