that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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