D3 body, D1 cock
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Drake has all the answers
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
