naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize