these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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