This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
