I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
