You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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