I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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