I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
