and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
