Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
