the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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