This house was built for laser tag.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
