i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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