Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
