Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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