So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
