he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
