Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
