why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
They took my balls.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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