It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
