Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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