can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
