You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
