He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
