If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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