Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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