found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
