Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
