YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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