sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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