AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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