Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
