your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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