i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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