i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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