i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have already put on my inside pants.
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