We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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