My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
