she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
