Kiss
Puke
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
